There is a great deal of luck and fortuitous timing involved that will always be entirely out of my control.
I could probably call myself a dreamer. I decided to forgo one difficult but very rewarding career for one with far fewer prospects. Deciding to be a writer and to try for publication takes guts (and a certain amount of ego). I often question why I think that, out of the many people who want it, that I will be one of the few who makes a success out of writing.
To be fair to myself, I don’t think success is my due. I’m a talented writer and I love what I do. It doesn’t mean I’m entitled to a publishing contract or a gigantic advance. There will always be people who are better and more deserving than I am. I’m also aware of just how hard it is to get published by one of the large publishing houses: not only does your book have to impress, it also has to be marketable and to fit with the current circumstances. There is a great deal of luck and fortuitous timing involved that will always be entirely out of my control.
So why do I still cling to the private hope that I’ll be signing books one day? I think it’s because I’m, at heart, an optimist. I’m not a sunshine and rainbows, everything will turn out for the best sort of person. I can be moody, I dwell on things and boy do I rant. But deep down, I have an inherent certainty that keeps me going even when things are going badly. It’s not a particularly positive thing. I’m not sure it’s even a certainty that things will get better. It’s more a belief in the fact that everything changes and with that comes possibility. The world is a wonderfully complex and dynamic place. Certain things just won’t get better with time or won’t fully heal, but there will be other things to focus on.
So, maybe it’s my faith in possibility that leads me to follow this dream. It’s certainly my faith in possibility that keeps me going. And, hopefully, if luck isn’t on my side or it turns out I’m just not right for the literary world, there’s always the possibility of finding something new.
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