Cockroach clusters

Shiloh Adlar
Writer, Ravenclaw

It has been one busy month for me, and I am sure it has been for all of you as well. It took a while to come up with another recipe for this month, so I decided to do something a little different. While we are still focused on Harry Potter raw vegan recipes, I decided to go on the gross food end of things. The recipe this month is cockroach clusters.

I saw this random picture online while doing some research, and it gave me an idea that I sort of ran with. This recipe consists of a sweet part, the dates, and a bit of a sour, tangy part in the cream. Without further discussion, let’s get started.

This is what you will need:

Some medjool dates (each date will equal one cluster)
1 cup raw cashews (soaked overnight or at least six hours)
¼ cup filtered water
1 tbsp raw agave nectar (or coconut nectar)
2 tsp lime juice
1 tsp pink Himalayan salt
Some raw pecans (you will need approximately one per cluster which you will slice in half)

Step One: Making the guts

Side Note: This will make quite a bit of cream cheese, so if you would like to cut the recipe in half, go ahead. I plan on using the rest of it elsewhere. You can also scoop out just what you need for the clusters and then add around 1 tbsp of nutritional yeast and blend the rest to make an even cheesier cream cheese or chives and basil for an herbier blend.

After rinsing your cashews well, add them with the water, agave, lime juice and salt to a blender. Blend until smooth. This should take about 30 seconds, maybe longer if you have a slower blender.

Step Two: How to make a cockroach

Take one of your medjool dates and slice it down the middle until you reach the pit. You do not want to slice all the way through. Remove the pit and squeeze the sides of the date just a bit to open it up so you have a place for the filling. Take a spoon and stuff in some of the guts.

Take your pecans and cut them in half, or if you’re already using halves, skip this part. These are going to be the wings. Place them on top of the guts so they cover them.

The last thing we need are the antenna feeler things.

Long story short, I once had a cockroach in my apartment, and I had Tarma on IRC talking me through how to get rid of it. Obviously I was unable to kill the little creature, but I am terrified of bugs. (A little side note for all of you). She was talking me through it for at least an hour, and I finally captured it under a box and relocated it outside. Needless to say, I got to see those antennas up close and personal, and they were at least six inches long. The cockroach itself was at least four inches. So Cody, it is true. Everything is bigger in Texas. *shudders*

I wasn’t able to find anything that would work for antennas of that length, but looking at a photo of actual cockroach cluster novelty candies, I realized that these are relatively short. So I decided to continue use with the pecans. All I did was cut off a snippet of the side of a pecan, and it left me with this sliver. Place two of those on one end, and you have a cockroach cluster.

I’ll tell you right now that these things were so odd to eat. My mind actually kept thinking about eating cockroaches because the feel of the guts with the date and the pecans could actually be similar to the consistency of eating one. In my imagination of course. The guts are not sweet. They are a bit sour from the lime juice which I also imagine they may taste like in a real roach. But who knows?

Should you choose to try these, and I do recommend trying them once, good luck!